TEN THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT PARENTING
1. I’m not a perfect parent
This is hard to accept, because if I had my way I would be perfect. Despite my failures, God’s gives grace. When my children are in rebellion, the tactic of the enemy is to rest all the blame heavily on my imperfections, causing discouragement and withdrawal from interceding for them because of guilt and feelings of failure. But this is not God’s heart. His mercy is new every morning. His reminder to me is that even God, a perfect parent, had rebellious children in the garden. My children WILL rebel, and I need to be patient as God teaches ME how to lead them.
When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8
2. I need to love the Lord with all my heart
My deepest desire for my children is that they would know the Lord and choose to follow Him. Deuteronomy chapter six is a roadmap for parents, instructing us to teach our children God’s commandments diligently, talking of them when we walk by the way, when we go to bed, when we rise in the morning. Teaching them God’s word is to be a part of the everyday moments in life. It is of no coincidence that this instruction for diligent teaching begins with this:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.” Deuteronomy 6:5-6
It must begin in MY heart. God wants to deal with me first. I must elevate His commands in my own heart, allowing Him to have His way in me first before I ever attempt to teach my children to love God with their whole heart.
3. My words matter
Rebuke often comes out of the mouths of parents. Our duty is to correct and train up a child in the way he should go. But the right kind of rebuke is delivered in love and is accompanied by words of encouragement and edification. My children are just like me, desiring loving correction, not harsh words of anger which ultimately don’t accomplish anything but a hard heart. James tells me that if I don’t bridle my tongue, I deceive my own heart and my religion is worthless (James 1:26).
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
4. God disciplines me
Hebrews tells me that God disciplines those He loves. Oh I’ve been disciplined alright! But I’ve never had God discipline me any other way then tenderly and with love. Because of this, I understand how He wants me to discipline. Come to me, he calls! Learn from me, he says! Yes, Lord, is my answer. Teach me how to discipline in your ways.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29 NKJV
5. I can’t change my child’s heart
This is only a work of God. While I can address the matters of the heart, I cannot change the heart. Therefore my greatest “weapon” in the parenting battle is prayer, requesting that the God of heaven’s mercies (Daniel 2:18) work endlessly on my child’s heart. I must also be willing to display consistent humility in my own life as an example to them, imperfect as I may be, of a heart that is willing to humble myself before God.
Then I proclaimed a fast there at the river of Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from Him the right way for us and our little ones and all our possessions…. So we fasted and entreated our God for this, and He answered our prayer. Ezra 8:21,23
6. My timing isn’t God’s timing
I want results NOW, but heart work takes time. I must recognize my children don’t belong to me. They belong to the Lord. I’ve only been entrusted with them for a time. God’s heart for them is bigger than my own therefore I must give them back to Him continually and not claim ownership or become discouraged when His work is not in my timing. My own growth in the Lord has taken so much time, and so will theirs. God has been patient with me. I must be patient with them.
7. Difficulties make us complete
I’m cannot be in the business of keeping my children from making mistakes, experiencing hardship or suffering, even though I want to be. As my friend Joni Eareckson Tada says, “the alter of affliction is the place where dross is consumed and holiness is honed.” This is true for my children as well. Because of this, I’ve changed my prayer to, “thank you for the difficulties, Lord, so that You may have Your prefect work in them and also in me.”
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 NKJV
8. Fair. Firm. Consistent.
These were three words of wisdom from my pastor (thanks, Pastor Ed!). My rules need to be fair. I need to consider the law I’m about to lay down before I say it. Can I follow through if necessary? Once I set the rules, they need to be implemented firmly and I must be consistent in my dealings when they rebel. In other words, I must be prepared in advance to stick to my word and not just make empty threats.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15 NKJV
9. My husband is the head of our home
I have great sympathy for the aching heart of those single moms (or dads) who play the role of both parents. I must speak from the place of my own life, and I am very thankful to have a husband who desires to lead his children and family in the ways of God. I’ve come to understand the reason God has wanted to have His way in my heart so persistently in the roles he’s established for marriage. He’s used difficult seasons of parenting to reveal the importance to me. I was not designed to be the leader. When I try to lead, things are out of order in my home which has devastating impacts on both us and on our children.
10. I know nothing
I can’t depend on what I “think” I know. I have to depend upon God and His word, daily… minute by minute, hour by hour. When I begin to think I’ve figured this thing called parenting out, I’m in danger of depending upon myself. I am not self-sufficient. I must continually walk in the Spirit (Gal 5:16), confess areas of pride (James 4:6), and seek God’s wisdom (James 3:17-18).
…We know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. And if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know. 1 Corinthians 8:1-2 NKJV
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5 NKJV
*BONUS: added in later…
11. Love!
It’s the greatest of all commandments and should be the motive of my heart and the source of everything I do.
What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness? 1 Corinthians 4:21
